What's been stuck in my head

My love for Lana Del Rey and Marina & The Diamonds have grown so much. ♥__♥

I have them playing on repeat, and I plan on doing a cover of one of their songs or just one since I'm a pansy. :-)

Their music is relatable and sometimes puts me in different moods.

Like Marina helps me be a player like in this song haha .

But I came across this band which I  fell inlove with, this is my favorite song by them. *o*

I guess I can relate but, it's so sad. And I used to jam to this while on C's, I felt like shit lol.

Shows I NEED to see is TSSF, and UABB though!

I haven't been to shows lately, I'm slacking bad and I can't miss out!

Here's my favorite song by TSSF :)

Oh and I also have an urge to get shit faced while jamming to UABB, I hope I'm not the only one though lol.

Kinda Outta Luck

It's been way to long since I had my hands came across this keyboard.
A LOT has  happened since September, and It's sad to say it's not been going too great for me so, I'll break it down into shorten paragraphs.

I been slipping into my old habits and it got me into trouble in late November  which got me sent to Alternative. BUT, before I had my hearing, I tempted to take my life again, and I was sent to Laurel Ridge for a week. It changed my life and perspective on everything. I know I may seem like a case of an attention seeking little girl but, all I can just tell those who constantly criticize anybody with something like depression or anxiety or anything really, just to fuck you. You're never gonna really know how it feels but, understand where that person is coming from. And I'm really appreciate the best of friends and family I have, they have been supporting me through it all.

So, I'm trying my best to go through life at baby steps starting off by fixing my shit together. My school situation is pretty b s though. -.-
I really like alternative  phaha suprise. My guy friends  I met there are so down and funny, I laughed at every conversation I had there. x) And I miss it, my friend had gaven me a cute square for leaving as a "gift". xD
I started John Jay this monday and let me tell you how terrible it was,

1st. I got lost because, the couseler told me to go to my 5th period instead of my 3rd. -.-
I ask a teacher where my cosmo class was and he just stared at me and walked away.
I get to my cosmo class and I honestly don't feel welcomed at all, the girls give a "Ew who's this bitch." vibe, The place it small and extremely small. I give Mrs. Lopez at Holmes props for giving me a hell of a great time there because, I MISS it there. ;~; The girls are like a bunch if REgina Georges, minus the popularity. /but, they do have that cadyness to their attitude. I can tell I'm not going to stay there any longer.
The dumb ass teacher also signed up too many girls to clock in there hours, and tells everyone some girls are getting kicked out next year. What's the point in staying right?
I really wanna get back into Theater 3, I had soo much fun in that elective. And I really don't want a career in cosmo, anymore. I want to be a music therapist like the ones at the hospital. :)
My math teacher is litterally some character that is out of a cartoon show, his looks well.
I can't understand a word he says. But, I met a friend from my spanish class last year and she showed me my classes and ate lunch with me. :)

I felt like Cady Heron lmfao.

My science class I met a girl who told me how everyone in cosmo fucked up her life once she got there too and how the girls are evil. .______. THANKS FOR THE WARNING. I was crashing out while watching the ghetto tv video.
My Us History was good atleast, the teacher is so grool there he let some students walk to the dollar general and told them to bring him a big red, we watched the Simpsons after our worksheet. Oh and this dude gave me air head, the nicest thing anybody at the school ever offered me. c':
English, the teacher was just tired of the class and tells me "You're not going to learn anything in this class because, it's so obnoxious and loud. Oh by the way I HATE the sound of anybody smacking their gum. So, I got really ticked off and tried to sleep. -.-
After school you bet I rushed out of there.

Well, today was my second day but, instead my lovely mother let me sleep in. I missed my therapy session but, I managed to get my application from Southwest Prep. They said I get a meeting on Monday. :}
I'm excited ccccccccccc:
I'm going to try to update this lately for myself and anyone on the interwebs who stalks me. :-)

♥

oh yeah here's me again, except I look funky with my bangs up.

Lately

I been neglecting my blog for a long while now and I thought at 8 in the morning laying next to Melinda and Kip would be a good time. My laptop is literally tearing in half, it sucks that I can't charge it without having to almost close it. ._.

I recently got glasses so, I look like a dork now. :-)

I already got used to my classes, and I actually really enjoy school. :) I am not shy anymore and the teachers already know me. I am not passing math and I think Physics thought. I freaking SUCK at math. My teacher's name sounds like "Mango" and she talks to everyone like we're a kindergarten class.
And I swore my Physics teacher said "I just took a shit" when they were talking about twitter. o___o
By the way, apparently no one has ever seen someone wear black lipstick. Almost everyone gave me a stare while I wore it. '-'
I STILL wanna meet this girl who is "fan girling" me at school, well I know who she is... but, Ima meet her and hug her. c:
Sooooo, I had a journal I would write EVERYTHING (Secrets and such) and I lost it at lunch, I'm still wondering who's reading them.. It has soo much stuff on there. D;
I have a "Aaron Samuels" (His nickname) this year, and oh boy let me tell you. It's grool. I just hope it doesn't end up like the movie did...
I'm so terrified of getting in a relationship and deal with the heartache of it all. Since my last relationship was based on lies. I am too scared to love someone.
I think it's best to start off slow, best friends and lovers is the greatest type of relationship out there, and rushing something is the wrong way to go. :)
Also, one thing.. don't lead anyone on just because, you like the attention. It gives you a whole lot of guilt on your shoulders. Trust me. :| I didn't try to lead them on, I just ended up not liking that person? Coming off too strong can do a lot of damage. Oh well that's another short chapter in my book that seriously needs to be shredded pronto.

On a good note I learned a lot of braids in Cosmo and I think everyone is getting along now. I accidently shooted the water shooter thing from the shampooing sink and wet me like twice. How embarrassing. No one is letting me give them Cornrolls though. -___- I can't wait to put my name on  a station and get my own manican. {:
I wanna join competition but, I have no crazy Idea of what to do, I want a princess theme or-or something no one has done before? Hmm well I have time to look it up on tumblr. Which you should follow me because, I barley started to get it going again, and I have like no followers, and I really need people to follow back.  http://ifancyouxx.tumblr.com/


I dred going to school sober, I can't concentrate and I like blocking out the bad vibes and people's negativity. I have to go through withdrawls do to the fact  I actually care about my liver. But, I'm going to be sooo frustrated. :|

My life has been pretty hectic and I stay away from the internet more often than I did during the summer.
By the way, I fell in love with Lana Del Rey, I love everything about her: Her voice, music and style is so beautiful. :'')

And I don't look mean right? Lately I been told that, and I always wondered why some people don't talk to me. I am nice people. -.- I need new people to talk to, so whoever reads this: I love you & go message me. n__n

Today

I'm already used to my classes by now but, yet I hardly talk to anybody in them. Except cosmo, I love that class. I can tell who I'm going to get closer to this year. I am scared they'll drop that class for me because, I don't have my health/speech maybe if I get apex again? Well, enough of that boring chizz.

I hate hearing an answer even though I need to hear it, but like what if it's not the one you wanna hear?..
I am stubborn as heck so, I can't take rejection that well. It takes a lot for me to just give up on something I really want.
I just don't want you to forget us.

School Is For Chumps.

How relived am I to have gone through my first two days of school. I think being a Junior will be my best year yet. Besides well one thing. asdfgkl I'll just save THAT for another bawling eyes dramatic post, haha.
I always get nervous on the first day for some reason? Melinda and I were panicking on how bad we needed to poop and throw up on the way getting dropped off. ;~;
I barley have any friends in any of my core classes, oh well at least I know I'm going to be doing my work now. I hate math soooooooooooooo bad, I dred going there EVERYDAY for the next nine months.
Cosmo is going to be fun though. :}

Today at lunch I was by myself, I went to the libary, and ugly cried alone in the bathroom. ;~;
I need Brittany there... lol
I know I'm going to sound like a girl but, I don't wanna look like a hobo all school year so, I'm just going to look at least presentable. (-';
I need a new school id, I look like freaking Liza Minnelli or SHREK on my old one. And my off campus a pass so I can be a fat lard at lunch.
I hate the new portables, they're ghetto as hell, and it takes forever walking all the way there. My teachers seem cool though, they're all laid back or push overs.

On other topics, I seriously wish I can take my own advice.
I hate the feeling of being used or getting lead on. F. M. L.

Happily Never After

Break ups are never easy nor great well for me. How can it be easy for someone you once loved to become best friend/lovers to complete strangers? I keep thinking about every single memory, moment, and it makes me think: every time they're was bad times or fights, it should have been another blissful memory to add to more. But, after every argument I realized how great I had it. I guess. I took it for granted.
I sound weak and pathetic I know but, I just can't help but, love the boy.
EVERY FUCKING LOVE SONG MAKES ME WANT TO KILL A LAMB.
I shall not cave on. Thus I am preoccupied with my keyboard :-)

I KNOW partying, changes someone..
Believe ME. It's not what you want, I didn't wanna put you on a collar or a pedestal. Just to help.. getting pushed away hurts. People can change through time good or bad.
It's only those who are just letting them can see it. 

"Time" is equivalent to "I'm going to find another because, I don't want you in my life anymore."

The feelings you have for someone isn't based on age, yes we're all young but, while we still don't got wrinkles, you can grow up together. Everyone is the one until proven otherwise, right? I am about to lose hope and accept this but, I can't.. that's weird.
So, yeah I'm sad. Yes I'm going to say I'm fine. I don't need pity. Just don't talk about it.

I just need to get over it.

Long time no blog.

I haven't really posted anything really because, my internet decides to shut off randomly. ;~;

 Like life's been so tedious, nothing to look forward to or be happy about anymore..

I went to orientation today and I felt really uncomfortable. And it didn't help that Luis kept telling me "You're thinking about it too much." -____- I always get a weird sickness feeling in my tummy not because, I am nervous. Because, I REALLY REALLY don't wanna be at school. I always had the lunch all my friends don't have literally, I am scared that I won't be close to my friends this year which sucks because, I suck at keeping touch. Aaaaand replying. I hate when my mom stalls, I go shopping for school like a week before school even starts and I hardly find any cute stuff. ;~;I always get the "Ghetto" annoying kids in my classes, the kind that call each other "HEY BEST FRIEND!" or talk back to anything that talks to IT. I can go on and on about my shitty school but, it's not so bad. Well minus the teachers who hate me, the kids who I hate, and the crappy food. It's pretty fun, this time I don't  need to squeeze my ass through a gate to go off campus for lunch. :-)

• I have Physics first, which will diffidently put me to sleep.
• Then English but, I really like that subject.
•  Algebra 2 will suck. I am terrible at math, I passed my math taks right on point. Thank based god.
• Lunch will probably be boring? But, I got my off campus pass so, cool.
• Us history would be easy.
• Then the rest of my day during Cosmo should be something to look forward to. :}

I just hope I won't be a loner boner in some of my classes; It's tough living the thug life.

On another note t he new episode of Awkward was suspenseful, Matty is a cute whore, Jenna is an idiot, Jake needs to come to his senses, Jenna's mom needs to go back to her hot husband, and Tamera is smart :}

Oh and I recently enjoyed a good time to buy me new makeup from Sephora, although it was pricey it was money well spent.

The Lipstick tastes good and even though I look goth I love it. ♥_♥

Oh and kip has gotten so big {:

I never thought anyone could ever be as careless and so true to what you tell someone, maybe even someone you love till I recently been told I don't make a difference in someone's life; "I basically can't make you happy anymore." practically. I'm not to sure if anybody has noticed but I get butt hurt REALLY easily. I'm a sensitive person. Even though it's really hard to get me to be mean, I can't really try to hurt anyone's feelings without feeling bad later. So, I took that to the heart and even though you may be going through a hard time you can't just tell me that and expect me not to over analyze things about myself. Maybe I'm not cut out to make someone happy? -I don't know what to do and honestly I freak out on loosing people to someone who can actually give them good advice or someone who can make them feel happy, even friend wise. I think waaaaaay too much when I'm by myself. 

Well, I think that covers some what I wanted to post these past days? By the way the only way to keep in contact with me is stupid Facebook now. ;~;