Lately

I been neglecting my blog for a long while now and I thought at 8 in the morning laying next to Melinda and Kip would be a good time. My laptop is literally tearing in half, it sucks that I can't charge it without having to almost close it. ._.

I recently got glasses so, I look like a dork now. :-)

I already got used to my classes, and I actually really enjoy school. :) I am not shy anymore and the teachers already know me. I am not passing math and I think Physics thought. I freaking SUCK at math. My teacher's name sounds like "Mango" and she talks to everyone like we're a kindergarten class.
And I swore my Physics teacher said "I just took a shit" when they were talking about twitter. o___o
By the way, apparently no one has ever seen someone wear black lipstick. Almost everyone gave me a stare while I wore it. '-'
I STILL wanna meet this girl who is "fan girling" me at school, well I know who she is... but, Ima meet her and hug her. c:
Sooooo, I had a journal I would write EVERYTHING (Secrets and such) and I lost it at lunch, I'm still wondering who's reading them.. It has soo much stuff on there. D;
I have a "Aaron Samuels" (His nickname) this year, and oh boy let me tell you. It's grool. I just hope it doesn't end up like the movie did...
I'm so terrified of getting in a relationship and deal with the heartache of it all. Since my last relationship was based on lies. I am too scared to love someone.
I think it's best to start off slow, best friends and lovers is the greatest type of relationship out there, and rushing something is the wrong way to go. :)
Also, one thing.. don't lead anyone on just because, you like the attention. It gives you a whole lot of guilt on your shoulders. Trust me. :| I didn't try to lead them on, I just ended up not liking that person? Coming off too strong can do a lot of damage. Oh well that's another short chapter in my book that seriously needs to be shredded pronto.

On a good note I learned a lot of braids in Cosmo and I think everyone is getting along now. I accidently shooted the water shooter thing from the shampooing sink and wet me like twice. How embarrassing. No one is letting me give them Cornrolls though. -___- I can't wait to put my name on  a station and get my own manican. {:
I wanna join competition but, I have no crazy Idea of what to do, I want a princess theme or-or something no one has done before? Hmm well I have time to look it up on tumblr. Which you should follow me because, I barley started to get it going again, and I have like no followers, and I really need people to follow back.  http://ifancyouxx.tumblr.com/


I dred going to school sober, I can't concentrate and I like blocking out the bad vibes and people's negativity. I have to go through withdrawls do to the fact  I actually care about my liver. But, I'm going to be sooo frustrated. :|

My life has been pretty hectic and I stay away from the internet more often than I did during the summer.
By the way, I fell in love with Lana Del Rey, I love everything about her: Her voice, music and style is so beautiful. :'')

And I don't look mean right? Lately I been told that, and I always wondered why some people don't talk to me. I am nice people. -.- I need new people to talk to, so whoever reads this: I love you & go message me. n__n

Today

I'm already used to my classes by now but, yet I hardly talk to anybody in them. Except cosmo, I love that class. I can tell who I'm going to get closer to this year. I am scared they'll drop that class for me because, I don't have my health/speech maybe if I get apex again? Well, enough of that boring chizz.

I hate hearing an answer even though I need to hear it, but like what if it's not the one you wanna hear?..
I am stubborn as heck so, I can't take rejection that well. It takes a lot for me to just give up on something I really want.
I just don't want you to forget us.

School Is For Chumps.

How relived am I to have gone through my first two days of school. I think being a Junior will be my best year yet. Besides well one thing. asdfgkl I'll just save THAT for another bawling eyes dramatic post, haha.
I always get nervous on the first day for some reason? Melinda and I were panicking on how bad we needed to poop and throw up on the way getting dropped off. ;~;
I barley have any friends in any of my core classes, oh well at least I know I'm going to be doing my work now. I hate math soooooooooooooo bad, I dred going there EVERYDAY for the next nine months.
Cosmo is going to be fun though. :}

Today at lunch I was by myself, I went to the libary, and ugly cried alone in the bathroom. ;~;
I need Brittany there... lol
I know I'm going to sound like a girl but, I don't wanna look like a hobo all school year so, I'm just going to look at least presentable. (-';
I need a new school id, I look like freaking Liza Minnelli or SHREK on my old one. And my off campus a pass so I can be a fat lard at lunch.
I hate the new portables, they're ghetto as hell, and it takes forever walking all the way there. My teachers seem cool though, they're all laid back or push overs.

On other topics, I seriously wish I can take my own advice.
I hate the feeling of being used or getting lead on. F. M. L.

Happily Never After

Break ups are never easy nor great well for me. How can it be easy for someone you once loved to become best friend/lovers to complete strangers? I keep thinking about every single memory, moment, and it makes me think: every time they're was bad times or fights, it should have been another blissful memory to add to more. But, after every argument I realized how great I had it. I guess. I took it for granted.
I sound weak and pathetic I know but, I just can't help but, love the boy.
EVERY FUCKING LOVE SONG MAKES ME WANT TO KILL A LAMB.
I shall not cave on. Thus I am preoccupied with my keyboard :-)

I KNOW partying, changes someone..
Believe ME. It's not what you want, I didn't wanna put you on a collar or a pedestal. Just to help.. getting pushed away hurts. People can change through time good or bad.
It's only those who are just letting them can see it. 

"Time" is equivalent to "I'm going to find another because, I don't want you in my life anymore."

The feelings you have for someone isn't based on age, yes we're all young but, while we still don't got wrinkles, you can grow up together. Everyone is the one until proven otherwise, right? I am about to lose hope and accept this but, I can't.. that's weird.
So, yeah I'm sad. Yes I'm going to say I'm fine. I don't need pity. Just don't talk about it.

I just need to get over it.

Long time no blog.

I haven't really posted anything really because, my internet decides to shut off randomly. ;~;

 Like life's been so tedious, nothing to look forward to or be happy about anymore..

I went to orientation today and I felt really uncomfortable. And it didn't help that Luis kept telling me "You're thinking about it too much." -____- I always get a weird sickness feeling in my tummy not because, I am nervous. Because, I REALLY REALLY don't wanna be at school. I always had the lunch all my friends don't have literally, I am scared that I won't be close to my friends this year which sucks because, I suck at keeping touch. Aaaaand replying. I hate when my mom stalls, I go shopping for school like a week before school even starts and I hardly find any cute stuff. ;~;I always get the "Ghetto" annoying kids in my classes, the kind that call each other "HEY BEST FRIEND!" or talk back to anything that talks to IT. I can go on and on about my shitty school but, it's not so bad. Well minus the teachers who hate me, the kids who I hate, and the crappy food. It's pretty fun, this time I don't  need to squeeze my ass through a gate to go off campus for lunch. :-)

• I have Physics first, which will diffidently put me to sleep.
• Then English but, I really like that subject.
•  Algebra 2 will suck. I am terrible at math, I passed my math taks right on point. Thank based god.
• Lunch will probably be boring? But, I got my off campus pass so, cool.
• Us history would be easy.
• Then the rest of my day during Cosmo should be something to look forward to. :}

I just hope I won't be a loner boner in some of my classes; It's tough living the thug life.

On another note t he new episode of Awkward was suspenseful, Matty is a cute whore, Jenna is an idiot, Jake needs to come to his senses, Jenna's mom needs to go back to her hot husband, and Tamera is smart :}

Oh and I recently enjoyed a good time to buy me new makeup from Sephora, although it was pricey it was money well spent.

The Lipstick tastes good and even though I look goth I love it. ♥_♥

Oh and kip has gotten so big {:

I never thought anyone could ever be as careless and so true to what you tell someone, maybe even someone you love till I recently been told I don't make a difference in someone's life; "I basically can't make you happy anymore." practically. I'm not to sure if anybody has noticed but I get butt hurt REALLY easily. I'm a sensitive person. Even though it's really hard to get me to be mean, I can't really try to hurt anyone's feelings without feeling bad later. So, I took that to the heart and even though you may be going through a hard time you can't just tell me that and expect me not to over analyze things about myself. Maybe I'm not cut out to make someone happy? -I don't know what to do and honestly I freak out on loosing people to someone who can actually give them good advice or someone who can make them feel happy, even friend wise. I think waaaaaay too much when I'm by myself. 

Well, I think that covers some what I wanted to post these past days? By the way the only way to keep in contact with me is stupid Facebook now. ;~;

Boys suck

I think being straight up about your feelings for someone or if something bothers you, you should really tell/ask them exactly what you wanna know even if the answer isn't something you wanna hear.
You either ARE or NOT with that person. You can't just be all lovey dovey and kiss and such if you don't have feelings for them and you don't wanna be together. Like you're leading them on! Or if you're the person who is confused about what you and another person you really like are; you need to DTR. "Define the relationship" (omg awkward quote) because, you're just wasting your time on somebody who knows they have the availability to toss your heart around like dice. I don't know if it's just me but, the reason why I say to never kiss anyone you're not with  that you DO have feelings for is because, once you kiss them you just think "Oh he/she's mine!" when really nothing is official yet. And maybe it's just a fling for them?
If they're confused too then they aren't sure what they want; If they really wanted to be with you it wouldn't be considered it would a right away yes.
And when you do get your answer make sure it's a yes or no, people tend to change the meaning of a "I don't know" to "Oh my gerrrrrsh he/she Luvs me! :-)))))"
And to me there is no such thing as "Taking a break" or "It's complicated" either you're in a relationship or not. Don't waste your time on someone who is really convincing or they aren't afraid of losing you if that's what they result to for anything.

Don't beat around the bush because, you might be believing in something that really isn't there at all. & there is no such thing as fairy tales.

My eye problem :(

Well I found the source to my swollen bottom eyelid. I always applied it on my top eyelid. And I haven't worn it on the bottom in  year and I guess it hates it. *~'

Kip's eyes were crusty all day yesterday so.. I'm not sure what he had was contagious. 

By the way eye drops are so hard to put in your eye without looking like you're crying. 

Yup, only I would get sick in the summer. Fml.