My eye problem :(

Well I found the source to my swollen bottom eyelid. I always applied it on my top eyelid. And I haven't worn it on the bottom in  year and I guess it hates it. *~'

Kip's eyes were crusty all day yesterday so.. I'm not sure what he had was contagious. 

By the way eye drops are so hard to put in your eye without looking like you're crying. 

Yup, only I would get sick in the summer. Fml.

~__~

When ever your girlfriend/boyfriend says we need to "talk", is the worse feeling ever until you actually have it. Like my heart is non stop beating super fast, I cry, and I assume the absolute worse.
Anyways, after a long sad week I am finally REALLY happy. Luis and I are suuuper great now c":
I don't know what to get him for his birthday though.. but, I gave him a acoustic guitar I rarely used? Oh well, he likes it.
Welp ;~;
My left eye and back are killing me. I need doctor mario to help me.

My cat is sick. I feel soo terrible. He threw up this morning, and he was actually getting better. But, now his eyes are red and watery. ); I think it's because, he lives in my room and it's literally freezing. I wanna go to the vet but, that stuff is so much damn $$$$$. I need a job so, I can provide for my family of two. (Kip & I)
I HATE grouchy people. I mean I know everyone has their mood swings and all. Like I can get abit cranky now and them. But, when you're really calm and talking to someone all of a sudden bash at you with all these bad words and harsh tone of voice, it just annoys the fuck outa me. 


Omg Luis bought me a box of Fruit Roll-Ups today, guys..it's real...it's real. ♥_♥

The only bit of hope I'll ever have to get the old me and you back.

No one knows me better than my boyfriend. He's my best friend. And it's been the same for almost 9 months.

Last year I didn't know why we had broken up in the first place and I still don't get the answer.

But, what sucks more is knowing it's coming to you. First the less texting, no calling, and then ignore your cute posts on the internet or forget to say I love you when saying goodnight or bye. 

He's been gone all summer  (It feels that way) and it's been really distant and very um... like so much "tension".

I feel as if he hates me or something.. I feel like such a loser trying to talk to him when all he does is let his phone off now a days..

I really have no where else to vent or talk to about this but, here.

Hoping a internet god can save me from this nightmare I call "Loneliness".

I know I can't forcibly make him stay but, I didn't put up a fight the last time and we both agreed (On MANY accounts) that we never wanted to go through that or ever talk about that again.

But...what else can a girl do? I mean you can't just say one thing and do the other? I mean I can forgive but, NOT forget. It's like a constant paranoia that I'm just going to be left alone again.

That summer was the most terrible time of my life. I suffered from depression and I literally had NO one to talk to and the only person I wanted to talk to was Luis. But, I couldn't.. I'd try despite the number of times he'd ignore me. I found a way to cope from my sadness from other guys. Every single time I looked at his face I thought of yours.

You were all in my mind and you were all I could cry about to my mom. She'd say "He'll come back..don't worry." Well mama sure knows best.

Yeah Yeah I know you heard this many times before but it's true.

After all those long and what seemed hopeless 6 months. My 11 wish had came true. 

I honestly couldn't believe how happy I was holding his hands with him again. I was even glowing!

I honestly truly think we are made for each other. The birth marks come in too, lol.

I love my best friend. We laugh about the same things, talk about the same things, talk about people (lol going to haides), listen to each other, and connect on so many levels beyond any other relationship in the world. All my secrets are his now. 

I remember always on my bed and watching movies, wrestling naked, playing wii and so many many more memories we had.. He even gave me a cat, who is the devil but, no one has ever done that for me!!

I remember waking up to you the next morning and just picturing how cute you looked and how it's going got be when we're old and we could actually wake up next to each other in our own bed.

I imagined us being the most perfect couple and that every one I knew would envy the relationship I had and thought they could find someone that can actually be a soul mate or or even made for them.

But, sadly there was another part of me who held back from saying the things that were needed to be said and asked.

The only reason I am jealous of "T" & "I" is because, I never told you this but, when I was "creeping" on you I noticed a wall post saying you had watched a movie with "T".

We watched Thankskilling.

I know it's kind of over dramatic but, I tend to think she can steal you away.

And "I" I recall you calling her your best friend. 

I used to drop the "Best friends end up liking each other" at times to see if you'd notice.

I come to realize I was over thinking. And if they could have had you.. you wouldn't be with me.

And I remember when I wasn't with you, I wouldn't worry because, you could have had their chance with you but, you didn't. It was a relief knowing I could have had mine. I'm sorry.

I never told you how stupid I felt after EVERY single argument we had. I could have listened to you the first time. If I didn't do the same for you what makes ME think you'll do that for me. For that I'm sorry.

The reason why I got sad over every time we had to say goodbye is because, I was hoping that one day you'll say you'll be eager to see me the next day. I wanted a phone call also because, you always made me smile ten times bigger when we did. We talked about our childhood and funny things that made me love you more than I did before. I'm sorry for not shutting my mouth when it's need to be.

Another thing.. I feel horrible and worst about is not showing you how much I appreciate you when I should have. I hope you know I pay attention to every single string you play when you play for me. I know every one of your songs. I know other bands you like too but, I always get stupid and afraid you'll make fun of me for mistaking one band's name for another or a song. lol I am not really a pro at understanding some words to the metal (\m/) stuff you listen too. I love that you're in a band and that you have dreams for yourself. And I feel as if I hold you back when I get sad that you're leaving. I'm sorry for that. It gets easier for me to know that you'll come back. And that you have fun doing what you do. I don't mean to oppose that. I am truly sorry for that. I understand that we have to be far away at time but, we don't need to be distant emotionally.

I don't want you to be anyone else's, I don't want to be anyone's.

If you're not anyone's or even mine I wouldn't be okay with that. 

We talked about everything and ever since you been on tour we've been fighting a lot and I know it's mostly my fault. And I just want you to that I still love you. No matter what has happened in the past that has been bad that has led us to ugly fights. I can still talk to you about anything. I used to make you forget the bad things, but then I forgot how to do that when I started to make the bad things worse. I hope you can let me try to do that again.. 

I am not going to waste almost 9 months out of this whole year I've known the long hair boy who was shy as heck go to waste when we have so many many more years and memories to go.

I know this isn't a persuasive letter or anything to make you stay but, I just wanted to let this all out to you before you come over. And talk to me about things. I know I shouldn't think this but, 

And I honestly will be broken if you'd leave. I wouldn't look at you the same anymore. You'd be a totally different person if I saw you walk right out my door saying you're sorry and have me not knowing what else to do but cry over you.

But, just know that I love you. And ONLY you.

It's always been only you. And I need you more than ever.

When you do. I'm just a walk away to the play ground hoping you'll meet me there to be with me.

"And I can feel your love, your strength is all I will ever need."

This is long, I'm not sorry I'm a sucker for love.

Or for loving you as much as I do.

My day.

"I'm sad."' is an overly used saying in my book. I tend to not control how negative I feel and I often take it out on my boyfriend. Which makes the situation ten times worse especially when it leads to fighting. Ugh, I honestly think I need help or something. But, yet I can just solve it by someone making me laugh or a walk to the park. I seriously need to go to the doctor it's been going on for about more than a year and almost 6 months now.

ANYWAYS~

Today's show was supposed to be fun. But, due to Luis's crappy phone company, he never got my texts so my little surprise (In which I was going to surprise him by showing up to the show even though I said I wasn't going) went horrible because, right when I got there he tells me "My mom is on the way." 

I dig the bands but, under my condition I couldn't stand to be there practically alone. People were staring at me like I was wearing a hat that says "LOOK AT THIS DERP" (By the way I testing out my old high waisted shorts and they make my butt look weird so, NEVER again, phahaha.) and I couldn't stand the big guy next to me giving me this stare and constantly asking me "Are you okay?" whenever he'd bump into me by accident. 

His facial expression

So I rode the bus downtown and found my bus home.

I love staring outside of windows when ever I am listening to music. It makes it seem like I'm in a music video literally.

And also I am fed up with my social accounts for example:

Facebook: I have over 3k + and subscribers. What the hell are they going to subscribe to a 16 year old for?

I don't post those "Like this IF" photos or the wanna be peda commercial stuff like how is a like on  Facebook going to feed a baby from Africa?! (Not deliberately saying people from Africa are from peda but, ya catch my drift.)

Twitter: Well I wanted to delete some tweets that needed to go. Too many to count anyways.

Tumblr: I need some time away from that forsure, and plus I can't REALLY blog about my life and such on there.

It's getting too ridiculous. And so, I deleted all my accounts. 

So here I am on the only social website (Besides Youtube) at 2:54 am. In bed with Kip.

He just fell asleep in the cutest position on my bed. c':

Op. I need sleep.

Z_z

Ohai.

Well, I'm kind of new to this so, spare me who ever will read this. I don't really talk about my life on any other social networks anymore because, due to the fact well people just do not care. (I sound like a attention seeking 13 year old) Well this year so far has been pretty hectic. First of all turning 16 was nothing special, WORST EVER. Second finally becoming a junior was nothing special either, thank based god I only need two more years of this hell whole I call of a high school. '-'

Oh yeah I FINALLY have my own pet, his name is Kip, he was given to me by my boyfriend who generously got him for me from a friend. c':

 Summer of 12' seemed pretty damn exciting but so far, all I been doing is staying home and if I'm not seeing Luis I'm pretty much stuck on my bed all day with Kip. It's like all of my friends are too bust with their own lfies while I just sit here with mine. Atleast I'm talking about it with the internet right?
Oh and jobs are SO HARD to get, I thought wrong when I was thinking I could get one right when I turn 16, I applied for Pizza Hut, Wal Mart, Mcdonalds (Twice) and Zumiez so far. (Zumiez would be pretty bad ass to work at.) But, yet no phone calls back sadly. ;~;
A friend told me to not stop trying so, I'll just take that in consideration.

For my first blog post I think I did pretty good phaha, I'm going to use this daily now :)